i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
