Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
