Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize