I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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