My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
