party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
