Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
