Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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