STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
