i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize