Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
