I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
