My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
