I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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