i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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