yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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