thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
this will be a night to untag.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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