Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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