I wish I could punch you in the face.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
