plz talk dirty to me
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
