Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
