im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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