She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
