Just took my morning after pill in the library
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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