yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
