Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
