Can i not drive my cunt home
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
