Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
