the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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