We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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