Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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