I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize