yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Oh god it's open bar.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
