Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
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