i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
