Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
