i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
