She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
