just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
cat food counts as protein by the way
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
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