Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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