True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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