i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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