My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize