Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
