Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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