White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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