So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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