what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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