Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
the gays at disneyland are vicious
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
