Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
