youre lurking in front of me
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You're like the curious george of whores
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
