he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
