Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize