Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
i think im in europe. pls send help
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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