I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
