Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
