i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Randomize
