Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
