Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
