Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm getting married
To pizza
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
