i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
