dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I supernannyed him into submission
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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