p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
