I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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