he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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