i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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