Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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