its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
