your thong is hanging out like whoa
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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