I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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