the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
