Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
