3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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