Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
